Away with the Figaries. 

             Definition of Figary: Irish slang for a whim or mad notion about something or to do something really stupid 

I thought of all the ways that I  could write this to make myself  sound really knowledgeable; I'd use big words and blow your minds with amazing facts about mental illness. I would prove that I am the master of my own mind, that nothing can destroy me. That I am stronger than anyone else you know. 

Screw that. Thats not me at all. So instead I'm taking a different approach to appeal to the youth. GIFS AND INAPPROPRIATE HUMOUR YAAAAAYYY!!!! I'd also like to take this opportunity to say I  don't own any of these gifs or pictures and please don't arrest me 

Its taken me just over a year to write this. I've started and stopped. I've worried people will think I'm writing to get you to feel sorry for me; that  I'm an "attention seeker",  Ive broken down and decided theres no way i could write about something when just thinking about the word itself makes me uneasy.  Usually, when I'm trying to explain it to people, I give them this huge, passionate monologue while they sit there kinda uncomfortable and not knowing how to react… 

But now i want to help people understand. I need to do this.

So here it is. 

ANXIETY

when I see any form of that word written, in any context, lets say in a book or in the newspaper,maybe  some 13 year old idiot on twitter "That episode of PLL  gave me literal  anxiety omg" it automatically gives me this feeling in my chest; heaviness. 

"It's only a test, don't have a PANIC ATTACK over it" WOOP  there it is once again that feeling. I've learned thats called "Triggering"  I can hear a word or see something and it can trigger my brain in to maximum HOLY SHIT, THIS IS IT THE TIME HAS COME, I'M GOING TO DIE mode.

and as funny or stupid as that sounds, its the best way I can describe it. When I start to get anxious, I  can't focus on anything else. Not what the teacher is saying, not what my friends are doing, I can't even concentrate on breathing. 

I am floating. Im not even in my body any more, I can't feel ANYTHING. My hands are the first to go, freezing to the point where i can't feel them, the same with my toes and feet; legs are like jelly.

 Then the cold sweat where, I am so cold, but my body is over heating. I used to hit myself in the face to try get myself back to reality; to feel SOMETHING. My neck, face and arms would have scratches from where i would dig my nails in to try bring myself back, to keep myself from going over the edge. But nah. Its no where near that easy.

And then, if its a particularly shitty day, ill end up having a panic attack. I don't know the best way to describe these bastards so I'm quoting from a book "When Panic attacks" By Áine Tubridy. (10/10 would recommend)

 "Broadly speaking, a panic attack is an extreme fear response which occurs when a person is convinced they are in extreme danger; although no real danger exists. Physiologically, panic is a sudden surge of adrenaline in to the bloodstream. Once set in motion, the surge of adrenaline molecules known as the fight or flight response, rises to crescendo and slowly dissipates." 

This reflex is vital for dealing with danger, equipping us to fight like an absolute beast, or leg it like and olympic sprinter. The tight lungs, pounding heart, extremely tense muscles  and hairs standing up on the back of the neck make us aware that our life is on the line. Basically, if I lived in the jungle or I was a cavewoman Id be absolutely sorted. But alas, I'm an 18 year old girl who has her feckin Leaving Cert  to do.  


A panic attack in my opinion, is the worst feeling i've ever experienced. They used to be spread out. Maybe 3 or 4 a year. But since October of this year, I've had so many I've lost count. All joking aside, I've felt like I was going to die more times than I can count in the past 3 months. And I'm so anxious (A+ word use amirght?) when I think about all the people, but especially teenagers (as i am one) who are suffering from anxiety and panic disorder who don't have the same support that I am lucky enough to have. Because I myself felt like I  was the only person to ever feel this way BUT THEN I LEARNED THAT MENTAL ILLNESS  IS  SO SO COMMON. WHY DIDNT I KNOW THIS??WHY DONT WE LEARN MORE ABOUT THEM IN SCHOOL???? THE MAJORITY OF THE PEOPLE I FOLLOW  ON TUMBLR ARE ON SOME SORT OF MEDICATION FOR ANXIETY OR PANIC OR EATING DISORDERS ETC GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER, EDUCATION SYSTEM.

It's almost as if people are ashamed of talking about it. I think thats because its hard to understand. I used to get annoyed at a relative of mine who suffers from depression. I used to think to myself "Jesus just get out of bed and go to the gym or for a walk or at least come over for dinner JUST DO SOMETHING AND STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF"

Little did i know. 

So I  don't blame the friends who don't really speak to me anymore, or who blame me for things, who think I over-react. Who think I 'put it on', 'Do it for attention' ,cause thats how I used to think as well. I just really really hope you can at least try to understand if you don't. 

Anyway enough of that, time to write what this whole thing is actually about. I want to share with anyone reading this 13 things I've learned from having Figaries.

(make sure to take these with a pinch of easiersaidthandone and practisemakesperfect)

1.Try new things.

 I started acupuncture because my mom basically forced me to. It was my very last option. I wasn't only sceptical, but 100% terrified of needles. Like absolutely terrified. It ended up  changed my life completely. 

Joan Connolly helps me in ways I can't explain

2.Belive you can do more than you think. 

Last year, I went on a European Tour with my class in school. I was shitting myself about it but I went and had the best time of my life. I didn't use any medication the entire time I was away, and the whole experience made me so much more confident.

(  *Side note: Obviously if you're not in a suitable health to fly/travel  at the moment then don't feel bad, I had to cancel a trip to america recently) which brings me to:

3.If its not meant to be, its not meant to be.

 If things don't go your way, IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. AND IT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT YOUR FAULT.  I spent ages feeling upset guilty over my canceled trip, an awful Christmas, and having multiple panic attacks on my 18th birthday. But I know once things start looking up, I'm gonna travel SO MUCH and have AMAZING christmases and hopefully I'll live till I'm like 100 so loads of birthdays to look forward to. 

4. Reward yourself. 

Make a list of the things you have done that you are proud of. It could be as simple as 'I made the best sandwich of all time.' And then stare at your list and drown in proudness.

 If you really can't think of anything, then make a list of things you could do to be proud of yourself, like starting a conversation with someone, and endeavour to complete that little tasks on your list.  Im starting to realise that every time I get through a panic attack or a burst of anxiety,  It's a triumph. I survived, I didn't die, IM STILL HERE. I recently got through a traumatic injury without having a panic attack and I can't explain how proud I will forever be of that. And I have a nice, fat scar to remind me how strong I was that day.  So well done, self. You're awesome, self. You go, self. 

5.Self love, baby. 

Simple: LOVE yourself.  I hated myself for so long, and only now I'm realising that its okay to love yourself. Its not conceited or anything like that. Its wonderful! Don't be hard on yourself if you need to miss school or take a day off study or have to cancel on a friend. This is about YOU.  Take your sweet damn time. Don't be ashamed. REMEMBER: 1 IN 4 PEOPLE WILL EXPERIENCE SOME FORM OF MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEM IN THE COURSE OF A YEAR.

screw any one who tries to bring you down. 

6.Practise Mindfulness. 

This may not be everyones CUPPA TAE, but honestly, the facts are there. It works. If you find meditating hard or boring or think it has no effect, I recommend a FREE app called Headspace Its really amazing and helps me everyday. Its user-friendly and really simple. oh and it works.

7.Self care is so important.

 I recommend filling a basin up with warm water, maybe adding some essential oils or even bubble bath and soaking your feet for a while, then popping on some fluffy socks.  Making an effort with your appearance can also help with lifting your mood. Even if you're not going anywhere, mess around with some makeup or dress up and if thats not your thing, wash your hair and put on a pair of jeans for gods sake. *always remember matching pants and bra makes you feel like a goddess.

8.Be mindful of what you're eating.

 I found that refined sugar, caffeine and alcohol can actually stimulate my anxiety, so I have been doing my best to stay away from these foods. If you are eating well, you're going to feel much better. Its actually easier than you'd think. I can still have tea ad really thats all that matters I recommend a book called 'The Extra Virgin Kitchen' By Susan Jane White. 

9.You have more support than you think. 

I am lucky enough to have an extremely supportive family, and a great relationship with my parents, but I know thats certainly not the case for a lot of people around my age. Talk to friends. A family member. Theres always going to be people who will support you. Personally when I'm going through a rough patch, I don't like to have the pressure of being around people much, so even if its a texting or fb convo, friends can make you smile and forget about things for a while. . (even if you don't think they will. Trust me.)

10.Educate yourself. (and others!)

 Even if you don't suffer with anything, someone close to you more than likely will be going through a rough patch. When Panic Attacks By Áine Tubridy is a great read. And I found it so very helpful. I learned a lot for example: I am in fact, not going mad. So theres a relief. If not for yourself, buy it for someone you know may need some help with learning about panic attacks/ Anxiety.

11.Be patient. 

Im still trying to grasp this fully…… I'm quite an impatient person, but thats something that I've been working on.

12.Learn from your experiences. 

 I have a few great quotes  that have really helped over the last few years to explain this. 

"If you're going through hell, keep going" This may mean different things to different people, but it makes me feel strong. Im eventually going to get out of this. I just have to keep pushing through, theres no going back now. 

"If you live through defeat, you're not defeated. If you are beaten but acquire wisdom, you have won. Lose yourself to improve yourself. Only when we shed all self-definition do we find who we really are."  This one speaks for its self. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Having Anxiety has taught me that I am strong.  It's helped me realise who I am as a person, and has helped me sympathise and understand others. It has taught me not to judge others, ANYONE around you could be suffering.  It's grounded me. I'll be grounded for the rest of my life. Its such a human thing; to have anxiety.

13.Push yourself. But don't push yourself over the edge. 

 Do things, Get out. This is going to be different for everyone. Right now 'Pushing myself" is going for a walk with the dogs, or going for a drive to the book shop, or testing out guitars in the music shop. And thats on good days. I can't spend more than 2 hours outside of my house before I feel exhausted  from holding down my anxiety. But I feel a sense of accomplishment every time I come home from being out. 

I'm still on my journey I've learned so much and I'm still learning. And I'm hoping to keep this blog updated on my experiences, more things I've learned etc. 

And to the people who are having a hard time at the moment, I just want you to know that you are not alone. That there are so many people going through what you're going through with you. And I hope you can be as strong as you possibly can. Aoife Xx

Ps: I did this in 2 hours so I  probably have so many typos sorry watchagondo

Helpful Links 
http://www.joanconnolly.com

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-statistics/anxiety-statistics/

http://www.ted.com/search?q=mental+health

http://yourmentalhealth.ie

https://www.headspace.com

hehe

 My email address: aoifeamorrison@gmail.com